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About Varied / Hobbyist Core Member SteffOther/United States Groups :iconthe-golden-butterfly: The-Golden-Butterfly
A new era has begun.
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Deviant for 6 Years
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Goodbye my everything

Drawn by rainwolfeh

Fatal Optimist- Alesana

Steff| 19| Genderfluid (she/he/they)| Pansexual| Capricorn| ISTP| Agnostic

Hi diddly ho neighboreenos! My name's Steff and I'm just a dorky 19 year-old college kid who draws cats in their spare time. I spend a lot of my time drawing and rping cats which you think I wouldn't be emotionally invested in doing but oops you're wrong. I'm pretty busy now a days, and sometimes dA isn't the easiest place to reach me (my wifi is shotty at school). If you want to reach me or get to know me, my Skype name is Steffanosaurus; feel free to add me! Just please tell me who you are.

Note: I am a full-time student, so much of my time is spent on school work. If I owe you a reply please do not bug me for one. I'm aware I need to send replies, but real life comes first.

Votre Petit-Loup

Drawn by quaill

It's almost three am. I meant to be asleep like fucking four hours ago yet here I am. Story of my life really.

Can I just say that seeing that you only have 42 messages right now makes me so fucking pleased like good job Bae because that 20k you had two days ago was fucking just ROLLS EYES AT YOU AND YOUR DORKNESS.

Anyway. It's been way too long since I last wrote in here so I apologize if I get a touch emotional but I mean I'm an emotional wreck anyway so what do you expect.

Holy cow so much has happened since I last wrote goddamn. We've been through shitty friendships and relationships together and dude sometimes I look back on that one month, you probably remember the one, where I just called you on my break and straight up vented for thirty minutes. And you listened and let me and even more is that I felt comfortable enough to express myself that way. Like, I don't usually vent to people and that topic was super fucking close to my heart but just YOU LISTENED AND I STILL THINK ABOUT IT AND IT STILL MEANS A LOT TO ME.

I'm also like 89% sure we talked about you being a stripper and me being a badass marine during that convo so that's a plus.

Then there for a while we were both busy and talking just kinda fell to the side. We'd sporadically text and I never got worried or concerned because you were still there for me and I was still there for you and it was a bit of a dark time for both of us I think but we're still here, we made it. I'm proud of you for how far you've come, bae. Honestly. You went through some shitty stuff a few months back and you're going through some crappy stuff right now but I've got you. Never ever forget that if you ever need me for anything I've got your back.

And then a few months ago Tzu and you and I made our pack and yeah, y'all make me happy. It makes me happy to see you both talking in the Wolfpack chat because it's my two best friends. Fuck man, until you said best friend earlier I hadn't even ... I call you bae instead of steff now because that's - your my bae. That sums up everything you need to know about my relationship with you but remove the title of bae from you and remove the title of love from tzu and I've got two awesome, radically, impossibly wonderful people who I love and care about and trust more than most anyone else. My best friends.

We both said months back that we were stuck with each other and now Tzu is stuck with the both of us and we probably won't always get along, we'll all fuck up eventually but I look forward to this new year with you two by my side. I look forward to our conversations and to our stupid dorky moments and our jokes and this year looks really bright so far and it won't always be, I know that. I know that each of us will fall into a dark spot because that's how life works.

But I've got you, Okay? We're a pack. You're my bae and my best friend and I'm with you till the end, okay?

None one could ever replace you in my heart and no one ever will.

I love you.

now stop complaining about me not updating u r fucking box dork.

Last edited on 1.9.15

steff is a dork that is all


Ya know what? I am going to write this now, even though writing on this ipad is excruciating because capitalizing things sucks and it's sO SLOW
I hope you're grateful that I love you enough to go through this because i stg

ANYWAY this is going to stay at the bottom of your page ok (edit: why can i not move the custom box to the bottom on the ipad this is stupid
we can't let my dumbness intervene with Jay and Fame's beautiful writing (i will refrain from calling her Time for now because then i will have to make a pun and she will probably throttle me, and it would be worth it but that's not really my goal here)

all right here we go
prepare yourself for a heap of gay, Steff

let us start by going back in time almosT FIVE YEARS AGO NOW HOLY SHIT
except actually it's still only like four years
I don't remember what exact day we met - all I know is that it was before I started high school and during my eighth grade year, so it was definitely before summer, but I haven't been able to narrow it down and it's killing me ugh
but little did I know that that day would forever change the course of my life
Was that corny enough??
So yeah, we met sometime back when dinosaurs were still roaming the earth, and that was back when your name was Sugartail (which was such a gr8 username because it made nearly as much sense as Gingerflight does lmfao) and I remember that you were one of my watchers and I was only vaguely aware that you existed because I was such a nooby turd, and then I made that Searunners rp and you joined (and I also remember that before you told me to call you Steffan I wanted to give you a nickname but I had been torn because if I called you Sugar I would also be obligated to call you Honey, Honey; you know, because of that one song - never mind) , and I swear I have no idea what we did during the short time that Searunners existed, but suddenly we were friends???? Honestly, all I remember about that time was Destinypaw making fun of Hannibal for being an ugly fucker, and I'm assuming that's not what began the friendship so

But I still really do not understand why you wanted to become friends with me omg I was such a loser back then
I overused dumb emoticons and was just a huge noob in general, and yet
you wanted to be my friend????
that still baffles me because i honestly want to kill my former self for being an idiot but that would probably kill the current me too if I did that so maybe I won't
The thing is, even though i don't understand why on earth you would want to be the friend of some dumb fricker like me, I am so very, very glad you did
oh god it's going to probably get sappy now
you better not laugh at what I'm going to write, you asshat

I don't think I realized until recently how important you'd become to me, nor how prominent of a figure you'd become in my life. We've known each other for such a long time and fallen into this routine where we just constantly sass each other and give each other dumb best nicknames that I guess it just didn't really hit me right away that WAIT A SECOND STEFF THERE'S A PHANTOM OF THE OPERA COMMERCIAL PLAYING ON TV PAUSE THE SAP
oh my god it was so short but im cry
why do i have to live in the land of hillbillies
why can't i live here where they show commercials for broadway shows on an everyday basis

i am in control of myself again
im sorry
shit i completely forgot what i was going to say

so yeah, do you know how much time we've spent just discussing the most random stuff with each other? I remember I used to look back through our old skype conversations ( actually i think it was skype that brought us close omfg) and just laugh to myself at how ridiculous they were. You never failed to make me laugh, and that hasn't changed even after all the years we've known each other
man, we were just kids back then
i mean, i'm still a kid
ur an elderly woman now
But like, when we first started talking we were both young and vibrant and full of innocence - at least i was, you were probably already thinking of dirty jokes back then - and now i'm going into my senior year and you're going to be in COLLEGE
i am going to text you during school and bug you during all your college classes eheuheuheuheu
before you know it we will be 80 years old and we will still be skyping each other with our old lady fingers omfg

but back to my point
You, Steff, are one of the best things that has ever happened to me, probably even one of the best things that has ever happened to this world aND DONT YOU DARE LET THAT GO TO YOUR SWELLED HEAD
because I really have no idea what I would do without you now
that is like the corniest of all corny things but it's really true
There was this period of time where we didn't get to talk too much because of our hectic schedules, and during that time I was so busy that I didn't really notice. But then when we started skyping each other again after all that, I realized just how much I had seriously missed talking to you. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but you are probably the friend that I've shared the most with over the years. Through all the sassy crap that we spout at each other, I've bared more of my soul to you than what my real life friends have probably ever seen. I dunno, maybe it's because talking over the internet and talking in real life are such different things, but you are, like, my go to personn for everything. You are always so willing to liisten to me rant about my problems, especially my problems with certain people, and when I'm upset i dont actually ssay anything about it, but I stg you always seem to know what I'm feeling because you just say things that make my day SO MUCH BETTER and its like wow how did you even know just what to say
whenever i get an alert that i've gotten a skype message from you (when skype actually boTHERS TO ALERT ME THAT PIECE OF ) I just grin so hugely
yesterday when we were talking about you being Queen Booby I was just sitting there with this goofy smile on my face I guess and my mom was like "vanessa what are you grinning at"
and i was just like "steff" and she was like "oh ok" like even she knows that you're one of my best friends now omfg
in the beginning she used to be ultra suspicious of you because I'm pretty sure I used to pronounce your name as Steff-ahn instead of Steff-en and so she thought you were some guy that was trying to seduce me and i was like "mom if you could see some of the things she called me you would see she isn't trying to seduce me"
and then she thought you were bullying me and i was like MOM NO
i swear
She relaxed after you mailed me that letter that one time you commissioned me
they're both sitting in my high school musical bucket that i put my treasures in
please do not ask why i have a high school musical bucket
That was such a great letter I love it so much <3

I remember when I got your letter that time I was so excited because until that moment I had only ever talked to any of my internet friends on, well, the internet obviously, and finally I had something that basically yelled "THIS PERSON IS IN THIS WORLD AND IS ACTUALLY SOMEONE YOU CAN CONTACT"
i dunno why, but that letter made that sink in more than skyping you could, and it made me so happy to think that you existed in the same country i existed in like
i can't even explain it
The point is
I know where you live eue
I'm going to go to Pennsylvania one day and just appear on your doorstep and bang on your door until someone lets me in
and then we will go watch phantom and be really dorky together and if your stepdad tries to say anything even relatively condescending to you i will get up in his face and give him the instructions for how to shove your opinion up your ass
except i probably wouldn't do that because im lame but that sounds like a great idea
actually i probably won't even be able to go to pennsylvania because im underage anYWAY

Am i doing this right???
I'm trying to pour out my heart into this but I feel like I'm just rambling honestly
I've never done this before, and I never thought that I ever would
This was always the kind of thing that other people did, not me
I remember that I would always just go to other people's profile pages and all I would see was a bunch of things from their friends who had hacked them and written super long messages proclaiming their undying friendship and love for that person
and i would sit there on that person's profile page and read every single message that had been written for them, word for word
and I would see all the heartfelt feelings that had been put into everything and
i would just feel so immensely jealous
that they were so loved by friends they had never even met
because I knew that that was never going to happen to me
I was never going to have any friends like that who would bother to write anything for me on my profile page, i would never have anyone feel close enough to me that they would want to
because i don't keep friends easily
I don't know if it's something I do or if it just kind of happens, but when I make friends we always drift apart
it's been tried and proven, both with people on deviantart and in real life
they just go away and I never hear from them again, and if I do then they talk to me as though they never knew me
maybe they didn't
so I just tried not to get close to people as a rule, unless it was already too late, because I knew it was pointless
I'm trying to grow out of this, but it's difficult
You can tell it hasn't worked yet based on that one poll I did recently
out of all the people who answered, most people said that I was the friend that they have to get to know better
and when i saw that i felt so guilty because I know that's mainly my fault, since I don't even try
I'm still stuck in that mindset, I guess
even with the close friends I do have I just look at them and wonder if one day I will be the one that will cause us to lose touch, and it is such a horrible, unavoidable thought to me
But I never really thought that way about you
It never even occurred to me that we might ever drift apart, because that way of thinking was just so completely out of the question that I would never allow it to happen
Still, I didn't think that you would ever ask me if you could write a box of gay on my page, and then you did and all I could think at first was "excuse me?" Because no one was supposed to ever ask me that and it didn't quite register at first
but then it did and I was so overjoyed i wanted to cry
obviously I didn't tell you that because that is lame
but when you actually did write that thing on my page and I read it, I actually did cry, I wasn't just telling you that
Partly from laughing at you, but mainly because I was so grateful and thankful that you had wanted to become my friend in the first place because you, my gayby, are quite possibly one of the best I've ever had and ever will have
Some people have a ton of friends that write boxes of gay on their page, to the point where that is all you see when you visit their profiles, and that is wonderful
I just have one box of gay but that is equally wonderful
Even if I never have anyone else want to write another one for me, I will be perfectly happy because I actually have one, and it's from one of the people that I care for the most, and that is more than I could have ever hoped for
i am actually tearing up god im sorry that way sappier than what I originally planned to write

but steff, you are absolutely perfect and don't let anyone tell you differently
not even hannah montana
fuck off, hannah, you don't know shit
you are such a gorgeous human being both inside and out (even if your snapchats are hideous and your mustaches are gay LMAO I KID I KID MY SNAPCHATS ARE WORSE except your mustaches really were extremely gay what a dork you are) and don't you dare let anyone tell you differently
you are such an incredible friend like jesus christ I am so lucky that I got to know you and that our friendship is one where we can just make fun of each other over the stupidest things like typos, and I'm ALSO super glad that we became friends. And I'm not an easy person to become friends with - at least not to this extent, so that says a lot about just how special you are

this is random and off topic but
When you had that allergy thing and I found out about it like way after it happened I was so worried about you and i know this is going to sound awful but at first when I saw that Fame and Jay knew about it before i did at first I was like oh
maybe it's finally happening
that thing where we drift apart
it always happens so this isn't a surprise even though i didnt expect it to happen with steff but i guess that's how it works
and I was so mad at myself for thinking that when you could have fucking died and god I am still pissed that something like that even went through my mind
I was even more angry at myself when you told me that you didn't text me about it because you didn't want to worry me and ruin my vacation
Like, how on earth do I even deserve a friend like you?? You were being considerate because you didn't want me to worry over you
you dork
what do you think I would have done if you'd died and I hadn't even had the slightest inkling about it?
Obviously if I had been aware I would have been having a panic attack from freaking out over your health and well being and over whether or not you would live another day and it would have been the worst thing ever to experience but
i just
you can't just die without saying anything to me
Not to mention my vacation was already partially ruined because of thaT ONE PERSON so you could have worried me all you want
anyway all of that is basically what i was thinking after you told me your reason but I was also just laughing out of relief that you were fine and weren't going to die and we weren't drifting and you hadn't said anything for my sake and gdi you are the biggest fricking dork and i love you so much

you are my precious Steff bby despite the fact that you are older than me and you are that one person that I can always trust to proofread what I write in response to idiots and the one who I can ramble to about how perfect Sierra Boggess is and we are going to meet one day I swear to God
When you're a rich engineer and I'm on Broadway I'm going to invite you out to New York and we will go out and wander around and drink champagne because that stuff sounds delicious and give money to hobos and watch the Fifty Shades musical together and I will take your Phantom virginity and then we can be stupid dorky poops together by crying over Enjolras and Grantaire and Eponine and various fictional characters and wE SHOULD HAVE A TOM JONES DANCE PARTY TOO AND I WILL MAke you play legend of zelda ok??? ok
also we should just watch all the other musicals on Broadway too because hello we will be filthy stinking rich and can afford it
and i will get you tickets and backstage passes to whatever show i'm in and you can come meet all the famous broadway peeps
by that time I may even be friends with someone like Samantha Barks ayyyyy

I am still trying to work up the courage to actually call you because it isn't fair that everyone else in the world has heard your voice and you've heard my voice but I haven't heard yours
Except I really am terrible at talking on the phone
Maybe when I eventually call you I will reach your voicemail and then I can just leave a really dumb message
yes this is a wonderful idea

There is so much else that I want to say to you and about you, like how funny you are and how compassionate and warm and caring and down-to-earth and fabulous you are, and how everyone you meet needs to make an effort to get to know you because if they don't they will be missing out on so much and they won't even know

BUT I have written enough already and just typing all this out was way harder than it would have been on the computer
also I'm multi-tasking and watching American Hustle while doing this and it is very hard to take my eyes off the screen because holy crap the acting is to die for, especially with Jennifer Lawrence so

you're the best gay buttock that ever existed, and I am proud to call myself your bosom friend and personal gremlin ;u;
Smooches loudly <3333333

Last updated 7/21/14

We Are Poetry

drawn by eliza1star


Best friends


Trash gang




quaill is totally a god, totally did not hack Steff's account, totally no.
Just a daily reminder.

drawn by sshoes

Ninja has claimed her rightful throne

This Box In Construction By Ninja

It's past 3AM here right now but I know Steff is upset and I want to to type something here for her underneath all my Shrek. She'll probably notice when she's suddenly logged out WHOOPSE
But Steff
You're an amazing person, and one of the best friends I have ever had
I seriously look forward to chatting to you every day. You've become such a special person in my life and I don't even deserve someone like you yet somehow here we are. You make me smile and I just
Thank you so much for being you. For being strong. For making it through everything, and putting up with me. You only deserve the best, and I know that one day, you'll get it. I promise.
Thank you

By Aveita

You're a king and I'm a lionheart

Drawn by Jaewolfeh22z

Kokkinos | Silver-Earth | Leader
Eryx | Blue-Shadow | Scholar
Eponine | Green-Fire | Soldier
Phineus | Blue-Void | Chronicler
Pietro | White-Earth | Scholar Apprentice
Samira | White-Fire | Smith Apprentice
Finnick | Orange-Water | Soldier
Storm | Kitten

Blackavar | Weeb Jaeger the Kink Shamer

Drawn by Aveita

How do you feel about double dates? 

10 deviants said Maybe sign me the fuck up
5 deviants said Do not sign me the fuck up
4 deviants said Ew
2 deviants said Sign me the fuck up




Add a Comment:
CatsinmyRamen Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
How was I not watching you?? Like what??
Baerrito Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Probably because I'm trash tbh

But thank you for the watch!
CatsinmyRamen Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Np!! <33
queerghosts Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2015
👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
Baerrito Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
No u
petit--loup Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2015  Student Writer
M I n e
Baerrito Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Prawes Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Baerrito Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
I know u r
Prawes Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
listen here mother effer
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